


Endings Suck

by LavxnderTommo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sad Ending, Suicide, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 03:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2907593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LavxnderTommo/pseuds/LavxnderTommo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is why endings suck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Endings Suck

My name is Samandriel Novak.

I am twenty-one years old

And this is my story.

\---

December 4th, 2013

I woke up that morning, groggy and uncoordinated. The night before I had drank my feelings away in a bar and my older brother Castiel had to carried me home. It had been a rough few weeks, my boyfriend Alastair had left me for some other guy whom he had only known for a few days. We had history, we had grown up together and then I just suddenly meant nothing to him.

It really stunk.

So anyway, groggy and uncoordinated I rolled out of bed. Literately rolled onto the floor nearly squishing my cat Honey Bee. She hissed at me as usual and trotted out with her nose the air. Stuck up bitch.

The only plus side of Alastair breaking it off with me, was I was able to get a new boyfriend, Sam Winchester.

Sam was basically the best thing that had happened to me. When we met I was depressed, drunk and really just done. It was like confusion met clarity. And I had never felt more sure about the world. Sam was my world.

If only I had known my world was going to shatter that day. I would've married him.

\---

January 5th, 2011

Sam and I met in a bookstore where my friend Ruby, Castiel and I were having one of our weekly concerts on the small stage in there. Well, it was mostly just Cas and Ruby singing and me watching and sometimes playing a tambourine. That day the sung Carry On My Wayward Son by Kansas and The Scientist by ColdPlay. They tried to avoid poppy songs like One Direction and Katy Perry. While they were singing their first song, I was standing between fiction and romance, the owner of my bookstore, my other brother Gabriel, didn't organize his booms very well and I saw a lot of documentaries in the fiction and some and 'erotic fiction' in the children section. Classics were scattered throughout the bookstore. He didn't care about anyone, only the books. Maybe that's why they kept coming back.

When the first few notes of COMWS started, I just stood there

But then I began to sway and the next thing I knew I was full on dancing.

As I got lost in the music, I knocked a book off the shelf. When I bent over to pick it up I noticed a pair of dark boors standing in front of it, "Is this yours?" A gruff voice that apparently belonged to the boots. I stood with the book in my hands and looked into the most gorgeous eyes of anyone I had ever seen. To this day I have yet to see eyes that pretty. They were a greenish blue with hazel around the edges.

The color I see everytime I close my eyes.

"Probably not..." I looked down and read the title, How To Care For: Dogs. I was allergic to dogs.I slipped the book back into its place on the shelf. It seemed out of place, like me next to this giant guy. He had to be at least six feet tall and he towered over me, I was only five foot four. He kind of reminded me of a moose. Moose are very sexy animals.

"Well okay then.. There went that conversation starter..." He smiled sheepishly at the ground and tucked a piece of hair behind his ear.

"Sorry 'bout that..." I looked at him, pausing for his name.

"Sam. Sam Winchester."

I chuckled a bit at his name, "I'm Samandriel Novak"

"Wow that's serendipitous." I was slightly taken aback. I was a firm believer in serendipity, that all the mess will come together in one perfect moment of awesome. Like that moment. Standing in the bookstore listening to my brother sing his heart talking to this gorgeous man in front of me.

"Yes, yes it is" I said breathlessly, and it was, it was perfect.

\---

Looking back at that day in January, I never realized that Ruby and Cas had stopped singing and watched me stammer and blush at Sam's flirting. Now I can usually flirt with the best of them, but not when it really mattered. And then it had mattered. It mattered more than anything.

\---

January 5th, 2011

Sam had drove me to his house (Well, now I don't think I really call it a house. But it was where he lived) after the concert and took me inside. Unfortunately, nothing had happened that night in his cozy one roomed apartment but I did get to see his room. It was small, but very neat. His walls were a pastel green and his bed was made. His dresser and closet were covered with doodles and drawings. Some were sad, a person crying, clouds raining down on a girl with no umbrella. But some were very pretty and happy, my favorite was a portrait of a man with a very firm face, and short hair. I noticed Sam watching me so I decided to ask.

"Who's that?" I had asked, gesturing to the portrait.

"Oh that's um" his face tensed up, his lips forming a straight line. "That's my brother, Dean" I didn't ask anymore questions in fear of upsetting him anymore.

We spent most of the night talking, about life, about him, about me, about everything.

Even though his room wasn't perfect, he had showed me a piece of him. And it was wonderful. And I wasn't sure if I was ready to do the same.

The next day, I woke up on his bed (even though I definitely remember going to sleep on the couch) with a body laying next to me. Sam's.

I immediately got up, trying not to trip over the pair of jeans laying on the floor. At the time, I didn't know if I was scared of the fact I was in Sam's bed and he didn't have his jeans on, or the fact that I had never slept in the same bed as a boy. I looked down at my legs and noticed I was wear an unfamiliar pair of sweatpants. They were freaking huge on me, they obviously belonged to Sam.

The dark figure under the sheet began to stir as I finally got myself to calm down. "Samandriel? You alright? It's only like 3 am"

"Why am I wearing your sweatpants? And why are you-"

"Samandriel come here" He sat up and waited for me to walk over. I cautiously sat next to him and felt him wrap his arms around my torso. "What do you think I did to you"

I looked down at his hands, much bigger than mine, "I dunno..." 

"Do you think I would hurt you?"

"Probably not..."

"I have no reason to hurt someone as beautiful as you Samandriel" I felt him rest his head on my exposed shoulder, "I would never hurt you or let anyone hurt you. Now please just go back to sleep" I sighed and let him lay me down between his strong arms pulling me close to his chest. I could feel his heart beat and I could feel his breath go steady as he fell asleep.

I wish I could go back.

\---

Sometimes, the best people, are the ones with a sense of humor. They can make situations less awkward, make you happier.

I suppose that only works when their alive.

\---

December 4th, 2013,

I walked out of my room after my bitch-y cat. Even though Sam and I shared a house, we both agreed that we should have different bedrooms. For privacy reasons.So, I sneaked into his bedroom and saw he was still asleep. I couldn't help but smile at the big lump under the blankets that was my boyfriend. We usually did this, even though we agreed on different bedrooms, we often sleep together. I crawled into his bed and moved under one of his big strong arms. I felt himself adjust to my and fall back asleep, his breaths falling into a slow steady pattern.

I really thought I was lucky.

\---

But now I see that luck doesn't exist. Everything comes with a price.

And the price for my apple pie life with Sam, was a death.

He was getting ready for work, I was watching him get ready.

Then it happened.

\---

10:43 am December 4th, 2013.

I sat on Sam's very large bed, he was trying to get dressed but I kept complaining for him to stay.

"Do you have to got to work?" I pouted, I really was going to miss him. I hated it when he went to work, I hated waiting at home for him like a dog. I felt really pathetic begging for him to stay, but I couldn't call Cas like I usually did, he was busy working.

"Yes Sammy I do" He slipped of the white t-shirt he had worn to bed the night before and pulled on a fresh one. I watched the way the muscles in his back contracted as he lifted his arms over his head. After he pulled on his jeans he strode over and stood over me, "But I'm sure I can sneak in one kiss before I go" He said with a smile before leaning down to connect his lips to mine. I could feel him smiling, and I could feel him drag his tongue over my bottom lip and of course I let him in. This went on for a few minutes, his mouth on mine, his hands on my hips. 

Why do bad things happen to good people? Why can't some good people get good things?

I don't believe in fate. I don't believe in anything anymore.

The rest seemed o happen in slow motion, there was a crash, the sound of a window breaking in the kitchen. Sam looked at me and put a finger to his lips, telling me to be quiet as he sneaked downstairs.

\---

February 14th, 2013

Sam was the biggest sap I ever I think I blushed a million times that day.

First, Sam took me on a walk and he refused to let go of my hand even though people kept staring. The only time he let go was when he made me wait outside with my eyes closed. He finally let me open eyes and I'm pretty sure I cried when I saw the roses. I usually don't cry in public.

I think he was trying to embarrass me

There wasn't a fair going on in town so Sam forced me to let him drive me four hours to the closest one so he could continue being horribly adorable. The whole drive he had one hand on the wheel, the other hand had its fingers intertwined with mine. He gave me complements and kissed my hand every now and again. 

\---

I miss his touch.

I miss his voice.

I miss him.

\---

10:45 December 4th, 2013

Sam sneaked downstairs with a gun he always had in his room. I stayed upstairs, I wasn't the most quick or nimble person so I probably would've made the situation worse. Then I heard two gunshots. The second one had a thump after it.

That's when I ran downstairs, despite everything my gut was telling me. I went downstairs.

10:46 December 4th, 2014

At the bottom of the stairs, I saw two things. 1. Some guy taking running out of the house carrying who knows what and 2. My boyfriend laying on the ground against the wall with a hand over the slowly growing dark spot in his shirt. I walked over slowly, praying to the non-existing lesbian god (and the most likely to be real male god) that I was dreaming of Sam was just being a dick. This was the only time I wanted Sam to be messing with me. I wanted him to laugh at how scared I look, I wanted him to wrap his arms around me when he was done laughing and saw how pissed off I was. 

But that wasn't going to happen.

"Sammy c'mere" His voice was strangled as he reached out for me. I dropped to me knees beside him and looked into his gorgeous blue/green/hazel eyes.

"Yeah Sam?" I was doing my best not to cry, but I wasn't doing too good.

"I love you..." He pulled me closer to him and kissed me. And I kissed him until his body went limp in my arms. Then I held him, realizing my Sam was gone.

The only clarity I had was gone.

\---

December 4th, 2014

The day I killed myself.

I didn't write an official letter, my story was enough. They know why I did it. I made sure that at least Castiel and Gabriel knew what happened.

I stood on the edge of the bookstore, the bookstore had many levels and it was where I met Sam. So it was perfect.

I looked down at the ground, it seemed forever away.

I looked up at the sky, tears running down my face

I miss you...

Then, I stepped off. I fell in slow motion, the ground not seeming to come fast enough.

I love you too Sam...

x


End file.
